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July 08, 2009

Comments

jay

Careful folks, the last poster named Leah Godfrey is a whole foods employee, I used to work with her at the Providence RI store. Nice how she doesn't mention that and prefers to simply act as a shill. Typical whole foods modus in that what you see on the surface isn't necessarily the whole truth!

Leah Godfrey

Although I am no expert on Whole Foods Market, as they have never fired me, I do know a thing or two about editing and thought that as this is your first article you might like some constructive feedback.

For starters, once your readers deduce that you are writing about Whole Foods Markets after (self admittedly) being terminated from the third management position (you listed all three in the discussion board) you help with the brief time you were employed I think you words lose a bit of weight. Better to write about a subject matter you needn't be so defensive around.

On the upside, I think your attempt to be witty by combining "Bottom-Feeder" & "Bottom Line" into "Bottom-Line-Feeder" was brilliant, however you may have failed to notice that were Whole Foods Market to feed on it's bottom line they would be eating their own profit. Oops.

Important to Fact Check. After reading what you wrote about Whole Foods Market only allowing 5% of produce to be Local, I called a nearby Whole Foods to inquire about that policy as it doesn't seem in keeping with their Core Values. Turns out each Whole Foods Market is required to have a minimum (not max) percentage of local produce. Big difference! Additionally, Whole Foods Market was started in 1980, so they have been open for 30 years, not 15.

Entitling a section, "Whole Foods Market throws a LOT of food away" is a dramatic way to get your readers attention. Then writing, "So much food is wasted! They won't even disclose the amount", is redundant and anti-climatic. In the next sentence you write that your goal while you worked there was not to exceed 2% waste and that you were unable to meet that goal and in fact created twice the amount of waste you were allotted. Then you mention that you were there for 3 months before you realized you could donate to a local food bank, here again are a few examples of items you could have edited. Your goal should be to have your readers view you as competent.

At this point in the article I think it would have been great for you to branch out to the subject at hand. Addressing (less antidotal) subjects such as Corporate Green Initiatives, the greenness of Whole Foods Market Vendors, greening of physical stores and facilities, green distribution initiatives, ect. Failing to compare Whole Foods Market to any competitors leaves the readers without any context as well.

Can't wait for your next article! After all some article is better than no article!

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