No, You Do Not Like Pumpkin

by James Simpkins

Autumn is always a bit of a bugger for me. On one hand, the trees change color and “sweater weather” arrives—two of my favorite things in the world. On the other hand, everything pumpkin returns to the forefront of the gastronomic world and I have to put up with the ubiquity of “delicious pumpkin ravioli with sage brown butter” in every restaurant that I go to. People also remind me how insane they are by lining up for Pumpkin Spice lattés at Starbucks as if they are tickets to the Promised Land. The colossal success for Starbucks, whose debut in 2004 actually improved their bottom line towards the end of the fiscal year, is now annually anticipated event for their faithful and an annual cash cow for the company.

Not to be outdone (though they already had been), in 2007 Dunkin Donuts unveiled four new menu items to ring in the fall with, and three of them had pumpkin in the title: The Pumpkin Muffin, Pumpkin Donut, Pumpkin Spice Latte and Vanilla Spice Coffee. Their executive chef said this about it:

"Americans feel such a strong emotional and sensory connection to the foods of fall, and our new fall-flavored menu items will help customers celebrate the season and the warm feelings it evokes." -Dunkin' Brands' Executive Chef Stan Frankenthaler

Honestly, I was nauseous after reading it. When chefs talk like that about haute cuisine that has taken many hours to prepare, I can tolerate it. I still don’t love it, but I get it—the artist is talking about their art. When a “chef” is talking about MAKING DONUTS AND MUFFINS that is where I draw the line. I digress…

The point is I don’t think most people like pumpkin at all.

In fact, I would venture to say that most people have never even tasted plain pumpkin—which is fine, as it’s honestly not that great. What I think people like instead of pumpkin is the lingering spice of nutmeg, mace, cinnamon and all-spice that are commonly associated with it. This is what Stan Frankenthaler is talking about when he mentions the “strong emotional and sensory connection” people have to fall…sugar and spice. But do people know or care about this? Clearly they don’t, as we’re talking about putting pumpkin into coffee.  “Just give me my Pumpkin Spice Latte and I’m good, thanks.” Typical.  

Oh, I know they’re good. I’ve had a more than a few over the last few years, and I plan on having another one this year at some point. But gastronomically speaking, we Americans are little more than sheep. We just want things to taste the way we want them to, never mind how it got there or that it involves incompatible products. If companies tell us that this coffee is “pumpkin spice flavored”, well, that’s fine, but it better taste like cinnamon and nutmeg. We do the exact same thing with pumpkin pie; it should be sweet and taste like spices. (Ever had a bite of a pumpkin pie where someone decided to get all ‘natural’ on you and bought the regular canned pumpkin instead? Ouch.) But, as the Old Testament says (in Ecclesiastes), there’s nothing new under the sun.

Americans have a long-standing tradition with fake products, like margarine, for example. A product created (notice I did not say “made”) as fake butter for soldiers in war time becomes a staple of the American diet. It persists, even today, though it has now been linked to more clogged arteries than a sausage eating contest.   Another fall time farce is good ol’ apple pie--or should I say “No-Apple Pie”, an apple pie with no apples in it. Also known as Mock Apple Pie, the tradition of substituting crackers for apples has been with us since at last the 19^th century, perhaps before. What all recipes of MAP have in common is exactly what all pumpkin baked goods and lattés have in common: spice. In the case of MAP, it is cinnamon that people want to taste, not apples. This is totally understandable—baked apples don’t actually taste like much. Instead of five or six apples, just toss in forty or fifty Ritz and you’re golden.

I don’t want to rain on most people’s parades—I honestly think people should eat whatever they want to. I do think, however, that as a country we need to start thinking about what we’re eating and make rudimentary level assessments of what we’re actually consuming like we ask our kids to do. Think about it this way: If you are conscious of the fact that there’s no pumpkin in your pumpkin latté, you might enjoy it that much more.

Comments

[Shawnte'Amoure Simmons]

What's Your Point? If it's true that you dont want to rain on peoples parade then what is your goal with this print? I for one love pumpkin pie made with real pumpkin.
but for those who have emotional attatchements to the spices so what. even you admited to drinking pumpkin flavored drinks and you are aware that its the spices and not the pumpkin taste that you like. So, Again, What's Your Point? If someone can't tell the difference between crackers and apples then we shouldn't be to concerned with what the taste aspect of there food anyway because clearly there not tasting.
for those who know the difference and still choose the fake product, then I say just maybe they'd rather have the fake product for what ever reason and whats wrong with that? If its real pie with reals applees and real pumpkin your after then shoot me an email I know where you can get the best pies with real farm grown ingrediant that are made fresh with all natural products yet are still sweet, decadent and taste GREAT. I think this is what most americans are in search of. the problem is that you can rarely find this anymore. you dont have many people baking from scratch anymore. This is what our grandparents use to do. now our mothers are the grandparents and most of them aren't in the kitchen baking. Although things have Change, You can as I mentioned before get real fall foods to compliment your fall memories and create new ones with. Oh and for that really great pie I mentioned. EMAIL samoures@gmail.com. We'll work it out.