Vegetarian What? (Part I of at least II)

by James Simpkins

I had a bowl of “vegetarian chili” this past week and thought twice about the nomenclature—something about it wasn’t right. When I looked in the dictionary for the word “chili” I discovered why dictionaries are sometimes not the best place to go for a definition—it said “a sauce made of meat and beans”. As definitions go, this one borders on the ridiculous.

First of all, chili is NOT a sauce except maybe for coney dogs; and it is NOT a soup. It is chili—a dish in and of itself, not just to be lumped in with vichyssoise or queso dip. Some folks from certain parts of the country will tell you that real chili doesn’t even have beans in it. Take that, Merriam-Webster!

What really stokes my ire, though, is when dishes that traditionally have meat are made vegetarian but look and taste like meat. Isn’t this some sort of ethics violation? Or could we make it one? And carnivores, you (for once) are off the hook. Why, oh why, if you don’t eat meat do you want the flavor of meat? Over the next two weeks I’m going to be writing about it even more—today’s article is just an introduction to the topic. First, I have a confession to make.

I admit it: I spent nearly four years as a vegetarian, though the end days were more than a decade ago. As endings go, it was splendid. I was in culinary school in New York City and we were probably no more than a week or so into the program when Frank G. (who I saw at the opera last year) noticed that I had not tried a lamb dish that he had made for us and he asked me what the trouble was. When I told him I was a vegetarian, he grimaced and lowered his glasses, seemingly extending the end of his nose to showcase his disdain: “You, sir, are in a culinary school. If you want to learn to cook, you have to learn to taste—everything. If you prefer, there is another school for rice and beans down the street.” There really was a vegetarian cooking school a couple blocks over and his point was clear. Most people on earth—certainly in the States—eat meat. If I wanted to cook for them, I would eat meat, too. I took a rib from the rack of lamb, shoved in my cake-hole, and never looked back.

My personal anecdote does not, however, help me understand why some vegetarians don’t actually want to eat meat, but they love the flavor of it. Just look at products in the “fake meat” section of your grocery store sometime; from Smart Bacon to Tofu Pups—they are the same shape, size, texture and (almost) flavor of meats, but without the meat. I do have to say, however, that they are not bad at all. The Gimme Lean sausage is a dead-ringer for the breakfast sausage patties I grew up on. Honestly, it’s creepy. I have thought about this a lot—more than most—and despite the “pass” on taste and a general acceptance of the premise, I just don’t get it. It still seems like people should just own up to missing meat and then have some. I can recommend a first-rate barbeque place in Columbus, Ohio if you happen to be in the area… Next week I’ll be looking more deeply into that bowl of vegetarian chili, and with more than just my indignation. There are several real ethical questions that occur in the production of these remedies for the concerns over meat consumption and the "healthy" lifestyle that they claim to promote.

Comments

[Heather]

I agree completely with Julie that great flavors and textures need not accompany meat. What's always been curious to me is why we don't call meat by the same name as the animal. Why isn't pork, pig or beef, cow?

[Julie Braun]

For many veg-heads, we struggle with "meatless" meat tasting food too. As a vegetarian for over 30 years, I originally became one because I'm an animal lover...later, it was my contribution to help saving the planet. As I've become more conscience and awake of what I do effects others and our planet, I've made changes in my actions.

Here's the challenge! I'll also be the first one to admit, I love "fakin bacon" and "soysages" in the morning with my free range, organic and cruelty free egg white omelette. But I don't think that I'm attracted to the "meat" taste, instead, rather, the smokey-salty crispy texture. If I think "meat", I start thinking "dead" and can't finish my meal.

Why should smokey-salty crispy textures only be for meat-eaters? I'm grateful to have options to satisfy my cravings with meatless products.